


Operation R.A.B.B.I.T.

by rezi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awesome, Daring Heist, Gen, Lasers, Robots, Stuffed bunny escaping in a speedboat across the flooded post-apocalyptic skyline of Houston, drones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 19:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1789774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rezi/pseuds/rezi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TT: There's a real stuffed rabbit beneath its exoskeleton.<br/>TT: It belonged to my bro.<br/>TT: He didn't give it to me, and never intended to bequeath it.<br/>TT: I stole it.<br/>GG: Ooh. Risky!<br/>TT: Nah. I got a little help from RL and ganked it out of his museum.<br/>TT: It's this whole "priceless" collection of stupid shit from movies, defended like Fort Knox. Ironically of course.<br/>GG: So it's from a movie?<br/>TT: Ever hear of Con Air?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation R.A.B.B.I.T.

\--  tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 16:13 --  
TG: rolal to ditsri  
TG: rolal to *distri  
TG: testin tesitng 1 2 1 2  
TG: do you reaed me over  
TG: cum in distri  
TG: *ooopppps hehehehe  
TT: Di-Stri receiving.  
TG: awwwwwwww yea  
TT: Are you ready?  
TG: were doin this 2day huh  
TT: Depends.  
TT: Have you finished hacking into the security?  
TT: Or have you spent all day drinking?  
TG: who sais i cant do BOHT  
TG: *both w/e  
TT: I thought as much.  
TG: hav hacked in2 HELLS of mainfrmaes  
TG: tapped lik ea WHOLE BUNCH o SWEET CODEZ  
TG: all sultry feme fatale style  
TG: then sipped martnini 2 finish off with SUPER SEXY  
TG: *wonk*  
TT: So you've got everything ready.  
TG: yea bro  
TG: we making this hapen??  
TT: Where doing it.  
TG: !!!!  
TG: kkkkk  
TG: hacked into somw robot  
TG: i think its jhonny 5?  
TG: *johnny  
TT: Awesome.  
TT: Guy is gonna get some sweet input today.  
TG: sweeter than a lollopop  
TG: *lollipop  
TT: Sweeter than a lightning spark bringing him to life.  
TG: dude that aint sweet  
TG: probs tast like elctricity if anything  
TT: Yo, this converstion tastes like bullshit.  
TG: responder!!!!  
TT: What are you doing here?  
TT: Not much. Just chillin'.  
TT: A guy's gotta take a break from absorbing all the data in the world into his digital neurons, y'know?  
TT: Johnny 5 should learn that sometime. Dude is a straight-up input junkie. It ain't healthy.  
TT: We'll stage the intervention later.  
TT: Right now, we've got a bunny to steal.  
TG: hells YES  
TT: Operation Retrieve A Bunny By Information Technology is go.  
TG: so  
TG: opperation RABBIT  
TT: That is the cheesiest acronym for an operation that I have ever heard of.  
TT: Only the best for such an irony-charged mission as this.  
TG: no dude you just wnanna be in those cheesy moives urself  
TG: *movovies  
TG: all spittin hella codes  
TG: plannin hecks a missios to outer spaec n shit like taht  
TT: Are we doing this or what?  
TG: yeaaaaa hamng on  
TG: alrigt  
TG: we have  
TG: VISAUL  
\--  tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "[wecanhazvizualz.png](http://i.imgur.com/y2Ig5c8.png)" --  
TT: Nice.  
TT: Did you smash his glass case already?  
TG: johnny did  
TG: he got some serirous MUSCULES goig on there  
TG: *muscles bluh  
TT: Dude is robo-ripped.  
TT: Perspiring heavily here, yo.  
TT: So, according to that image, we're on the first flor.  
TT: *floor  
TT: No, *flor.  
TT: The art of irony must be respected.  
TT: Yes, that was an ironic correction.  
TT: And that was an ironic correction of your correction. I know your tricks, I'm literally you, remember?  
TG: woiw shut UP  
TT: Yeah. Bunny. Anyway,  
TT: The bunny itself, [according to the jpeg artifact-encrusted website,](http://thedavestridermuseum.tumblr.com/post/82564561693/we-got-a-new-shitty-ass-exhibit-here-like-the) is enshrined on the very top floor.  
TT: It's gonna be a long journey.  
TG: AW SHITFCKUCK  
TT: What is it??  
TG: fuckign drone!!!!!!!!  
\--  tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "[SHIHGIHTFUKCJGHUI.png](http://i.imgur.com/rX1e6gf.png)" --  
TT: Well shit.  
TT: Try fighting it?  
TG: hit it w an arm and it crumpeld like a crumply thign  
TT: That was only a low level threat, according to my world-class drone identifying system.  
TT: Yeah, world-class because there's no one left in the fuckin' world.  
TT: I thought you hacked into the security?  
TG: yeah  
TG: disalbed like the lazor beams n stuf  
TT: dindt expect fuckin drones!!!!!!!!!  
TT: Why did we have to get Johnny 5?  
TT: I'm fairly sure there's a prototype of HAL 9000 in there somewhere. And by fairly sure, I mean an entire 100% sure, because I just archived the whole site onto my database.  
TG: more like databs  
TT: No matter what proportion of the database factually consists of dataBS, the point still stands.  
TT: Couldn't we have recruited him?  
TT: No. Fuck no.  
TT: We're in the middle of a highly dangerous mission here. Adding an extra rogue AI to the mix would only distract us further.  
TT: Fine.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] \--  
TT: As Dirk's currently breaking the record for World's Least Fun Guy, could you maybe hack me up a HAL 9000?  
TG: fghjjhgjjgffffff  
TG: NOT TH ETIME DUDE  
TG: ttyl k  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

TG: i found hte elevatior  
TG: the elevartor  
TG: *idc  
TT: You think that's still going to be working?  
TT: It's been four centuries.  
TG: if a fuckin shtty movei robot cna work after centutries then a fuckin elelaltor can  
TG: *FUKC that word  
TG: *fuck that one 2  
TT: Typos aside, fair point.  
TT: Is it actually working?  
TG: no  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Lucky the stairs are so shitty, then.  
TG: fuckin shitty ass staurs  
TT: Well, you can't say you weren't warned.  
TT: My ancestor's comics were highly prophetic as such.  
TG: alrihgt  
TG: movin on up  
TG: fucksingndufkgsnjt  
TG: these STARIS  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "[FUVKINGSTAIRS.png](http://i.imgur.com/SlpYaNv.png)" --  
TG: i dont thikn these even quialify as stairs  
TT: More like a ramp.  
TT: A ramp making a pitiful, failed attempt at becoming a staircase.  
TG: haha yeah  
TG: but jognny can acutally climb thethings so its goojd 4 us  
TT: My calculations have proven that this journey would be an entire 9000% better if...  
TT: I'm not letting you have Hal.  
TT: If you want another AI to talk to, I'm sure you have the processing power to create one yourself.  
TT: But it would never surpass the original.  
TT: Would it be so hard a task to just free him from the bounds of this museum?  
TT: Not now, okay?  
TG: MOTEHREFUCKING LASERS  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "[lazors.png](http://i.imgur.com/wTa02Px.png)" --  
TT: What?!  
TT: You said you'd disabled them!  
TG: dammit THJEY MUST OF UNDISABLED THENMSELFVESHITFUCKINSSKGFJDHADSFGHK  
TG: ok  
TG: breath lolal  
TG: i am halfway to flaling down shitty ass stiars  
TG: meanwiule MOTHERFREKAING LAZORS  
TT: Shall I step in?  
TT: I am sure I would be able to redisable those lasers in an instant with my advanced processing power.  
TT: Fine.  
TT: And Rox, try not to hyperventilate.  
TG: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
TT: I said _not_ to.  
TT: Done.  
TG: whew.......  
TG: ok so is this the top floor eyt  
TT: I'm pretty sure it isn't.  
TT: I'm trying to work out how many floors there are from the map, but it's kind of incomprehensible.  
TT: I think there are five floors...  
TT: Possibly six. It's not clear. At all.  
TG: can i see  
TT: You can, but I don't think you'll be able to make out much more.  
TG: i can make out LOTS  
TG: *wonkwonk*  
TG: double visoin? mre like XRAY VIOSION  
TG: *vision  
\--  timaeusTestified [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] the file "[mapinnameonly.jpeg](http://media.tumblr.com/b7186d9fa90411d9918248fe3cb5af5c/tumblr_inline_n3z74fLOYE1sv93wj.jpg)" --  
TG: hoyl crap  
TG: what in the frignging f is this peice of shit  
TT: And my point is made?  
TG: veryt pointily  
TT: Should I use my incredibly high-tech JPEG parser to clear it up?  
TT: What incredibly high-tech JPEG parser? Since when did I give you one of those?  
TT: It's a thing. Trust me.  
TT: Whether it's a thing or not, this map is probably irredeemable.  
TG: yupppppp  
TG: ur bro was 2 good @ irony  
TG: i feel dizzy now from that :(  
TT: Sorry.  
TT: You handle Johnny. I'll handle the rest.  
TG: kl kl  
TG: WHOAAAAAAAAAAA  
TG: THR ARE  
TG: THERE R FUCKIJNG JPEG ARTICACTS ON THE VIVSUAL LINK  
TG: UR BRO WAS WAY 2 GOOD AT IRONIY I CANNOT DEAL  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "[hoYLSHT.jpeg](http://i.imgur.com/ixOGWi9.jpg)" --  
TT: That's... almost beautiful.  
TT: I don't think the JPEG parser should be allowed anywhere near this.  
TT: Agreed. This is a masterpiece.  
TT: This isn't just a masterpiece.  
TT: There were limits to what was possible with SBAHJ, even with his shitty Statues of Liberty... and this has broken those limits to pieces. I didn't know it was even possible to achieve something like this.  
TT: This almost transcends irony entirely.  
TG: its not transkcending my fukjing HEAFDACHE  
TG: ima get my robort ass outa here asap  
TG: DSFGHJJKHKLK;'  
TG: jpeg drone ;-;  
TG: whywhyywhyhwyhwy  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "[ugh.jpeg](http://i.imgur.com/X9JveS6.jpg)" --  
TT: I admire your commitment to consistently sending us screenshots.  
TT: Run!  
TT: Or roll, whatever!  
TT: Yeah, my drone identifying system has that kind classified as "The Tough Motherfucker". There's no way you're fighting that and winning.  
TG: im rollin  
TG: rollin right away from that anasty basdturd  
TG: shitshtishtishtit  
TG: one more stairs  
TG: jpesgs clearing up, TAHNK FUCKJUJING GOODNESE  
TG: *too busy ruolling to coorect  
TT: Yet obviously not too much to keep us constantly updated on the situation there?  
TG: o man  
TG: i dunno if johnny gonsna make it  
TG: ok top floro!  
TT: *flor  
TT: Is the bunny in sight?  
TG: AAAA YES  
TG: i see it  
TG: its in a fuckng gokd case 2  
TG: dang ur bro iddnt fucj around  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "[notfuckingaround.png](http://i.imgur.com/8Ktli9C.png)" --  
TT: My God, that's exquisite.  
TT: One might even say...  
TT: The bunny is in the box.  
TT: As is the rightful state of things.  
TT: It almost feels like a travesty to pluck it from its shrine.  
TG: ueah well thats whay i just done  
TG: BUNNY GET  
TT: Alright!  
TT: Now get to the fire exit!  
TG: gettigettinggetying  
TG: GOT  
TG: ty dirks bro 4 puttin lifeboats in ur fire sxits  
TT: Maybe he predicted we were going to do this, somehow.  
TG: mebbe  
TG: rite what coordineates r u @  
TT: 29.7612329,-95.3571527.  
TG: punched en in  
TG: n tere he goes  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent timaeusTestified [TT] the file "[byebeyebunny.png](http://i.imgur.com/4VTK7wd.png)" --  
TG: hang ON  
TG: I LET THE WSTER IN  
TG: FUUCUCKCCNNKXNCK  
TG: connectipn lost :c  
TT: And lost too is the finest museum ever to have existed.  
TT: At least we could glimpse it before the end.  
TT: Seeing as you guys are such squares when it comes to rad AIs, rather than awesome triangles like me,  
TT: I connected up with Hal myself.  
TT: Check it out.  
HAL: Daisy daisy give me yo#r an%dswer d¤¡  
TT: No!  
TT: The water must be getting to him.  
TT: I'm sorry.  
HAL: î;m ±½Lf ç®ãäåæzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  
TT: He's gone.  
TG: damnnnn :C  
TT: I guess I'll just track that speedboat, then.  
TT: Should be here in a minute or two.  
TT: Sorry you had to lose your robro.  
TT: It's cool.  
TT: No it's not. I know it's not.  
TT: Tell you what, I've been thinking of making some more permanent robot companions for us.  
TT: Two rapbots called Sawtooth and Squarewave.  
TT: What do you think?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: Hell yes?  
TT: Hell fucking yes.  
TG: lmao @ u 2 DORKS  
TG: u and ur brobots  
TT: Bunny's arrived.  
TT: Alright. Thanks a lot, Roxy.  
TG: is kl  
TG: janes gonna love that buny  
TG: or that *bunny  
TT: *buny  
TT: You bet.

***

\--  timaeusTestified[TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:11 --  
TT: I got a present for you, Janey.  
TT: It's a little dirty...  
GG: Don't worry yourself, it's wonderful! I'm rather impressed.  
GG: This must have been quite a project.  
TT: Oh, you have no idea...

**Author's Note:**

> Happy belated 612! This was the fic I was meaning to post for June 12, but life interfered so it wasn't finished by then. This was also the fic I was planning to post for April 13... so happy belated 413 too!  
> [DOUBLE BELATED ANNIVERSARY ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SKY](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piaQUbYZOD4)


End file.
